Lonely......I am so lonely.

I guess that I can rant here since no one reads this blog anyway. Not that ranting will help. We just finished celebrating Pride Week here in Toronto. When I moved here I kept hoping that I'd meet friends to do things with. My health interferes with me getting out to meet people. So I didn't really meet such friends by the first pride. I thought, "Well maybe next year will be better." With the exception of one year when Jessica and Hayley came in, I've spent the parades either alone, or in the case of last summer, in Casey House.

This year I was watching the parade alone once again. I did notice that there were couples, groups of friends and families watching. I was the only person that I saw alone. I'm never saying, "maybe next year will be better" because it never is. I have no idea if this liver will give out before next year causing me to start all over again. I don't know when or if I am ever going to get rid of this walker. I've been going to the gym 3 times a week for the past month, but it doesn't feel like there is any improvement. Plus my bladder problems have me using diapers if I am going to go out for a while.

I like going to events like Pride with a friend, or friends so you have someone to talk with. If you see something, you have someone to share it with. I can understand why people don't fancy hanging out at such things with me. I slow them down. There are almost no areas that are accessible, so that would also ruin things. As far as meeting someone, no one is checking out the skinny guy with walker. The diaper is the icing one the cake. I have no idea if I am ready for a relationship anyway. Partly it is because of issues with my last relationship, and the other part is I feel that I would just weigh anyone down. I have to admit that I was on the verge of tears last night, but dam my inability to.

The parade itself was so so. At first I went to the handicap area, but it was an odd layout. The view to the north was blocked by road closure signs and to the south parking signs blocked the view. By the way, all the people in the accessible area were with people. So I gave up on that spot and went down to the street to get a spot with a view. Well I had a great view until with group from Ottawa moved in beside me and spent the rest of the parade hanging over the barricade blocking the view north. I was kind of hoping someone in the crowd would be on Bath Salts and chew his arm off. If they were there, they were not in my neck of the woods. I took pictures while I was there. I haven't done anything with the pictures and I'm not sure if I will.

Oh well. My rant for now,

David McHep C